Marco Rubio Wants You To Freak The F**K Out
Before you watch Marco Rubio’s latest TV ad, please take a deep breath and try to remain calm.
It didn’t work, huh? You’re probably buying guns right now in order to stop ISIS from putting you in a cage and burning you alive. I don’t blame you. That Call of Duty soundtrack in the background got my blood pumping, too.
Thankfully, Marco is there for you. He’s wearing a flag pin on his suit, so you know he’s patriotic and has your best interests at heart. And he just promised that he’s going to keep you safe. So that’s good.
Economy – who cares about the economy? Evil exists in the world. Why worry about jobs and wages when our world is about to end? As Marco said earlier this year, “We can’t even have an economy if we’re not safe.”
Good point, Senator. But this blatant fear-mongering can only take you so far. At some point, you’ll have to sell people on your ridiculous trickle-down tax plan and your utter disregard for people earning the minimum wage. Until then, good luck preying on people’s fears. You’ll need it.
